Things to Make the World Better Part 1

Things to Make the World Better Part 1"
Or stupid things and ideas that crossed my mind this week"

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The Great Ketchup Dilemma!!!
Oh why or why hasn’t someone come up with this yet. How many hours of my life have been wasted in fast food restaurants opening up Ketchup packets. The waste of time and packaging is insane. Someone must put a stop to this madness. Ohh the humanity! … Why must Fast Food Ketchup come in such small packets? ?? (oh sure sometimes I will do the double packet open to save a little time but this maneuver is dangerous and could result in a Ketchup colored shirt) .((And yes I’ve heard the rumors of a man living and Georgia that could successfully pull off the simultaneous 3 Packet open --but those rumors turned out to only an urban legend.))
What we need are large Ketchup packets that hold three normal packets worth of Ketchup---think of all the time saved---think of all the shirts rescued where multiple packet opening tragedies. Why has this not happened yet? Is it some conspiracy between the Condiment companies and the Fast food industry----like the Car industries –putting down the car that runs on water? I don’t know –but I say we demand this change and make the world a better place. BAC 03/08

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Dog Show Nightmares
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Is it just me are the female dog handlers and judges on the Dog Show competition circuit the single most unappealing group of women on the planet? I love me a good dog show on TV –cheering for my favorite breeds---but I have an extremely controversial idea to shake the dog show circuit to its foundations. (I can hear the hate mail already).
I say we replace the Blue Pant suit Wearing ex-Denny’s 2am waitress looking dog handlers and judges and spice things up a bit. Bring dog shows to a wider audience. (ok --ok---I’m sure the dog show world will never go for such a dramatic change---as the old guard is sure to fight my ideas) but her it goes anyway.
I say we replace the Reno Beehive hairdo wearing old biddies with Hot Bikini models and walking the dogs. (Maybe we would have to split away from the standard dog show circuit and start our own younger hippier dog show---that could be aired on Spike or some other channel. Also gone would be the one person judging the dogs against the standard for each breed. I hate the thought that one person decides since they rarely choose the dogs I like. Instead we could do it American Idol style with the audience voting each week for which dog should represent their Group. Each week several dogs would get voted off until only 7 (the representatives of each traditional group remained).
The Finale or Best in Show would then be decided Live with each dog getting its own entrance or Theme Music WWE Wrestling Style "Weighing in a 15 pounds and 2 ounces is Mr Cuddles the Third a Pug from Boston Representing the Toy Group Tonight" The music would kick in and Mr Cuddles The Third would be lead down the ramp with Fireworks shooting out the sides of the ramp by his gorgeous bikini clad model. . His Theme song would be Blasting "Mr Cuddles---Mr Cuddles----Oh you are so Wicked awesome----Mr Cuddles --Mr Cuddles----the baddest Pug in town"
Just a thought to make things a little more interesting. BAC 03/08
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The Floatie Don’t Drown Me. ( fake Product idea)

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Ok so basically this is a parody of other infomercials I wouldn’t dare put this product on the market
The Floatie don’t’ drown me---is a neck pillow that goes around your neck while sitting in the spa that allows you to fall asleep in the spa without fear of drowning.
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The commercial would go something like this:
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"Are you tired of falling asleep in your Jacuzzi and almost drowning? Well there is a product just for you. Floatie Don’t Drown Me . Here you see someone falling asleep in the Jacuzzi without a Floatie Don’t Drown Me (Cut to black and white footage of a person actually drowning in the Jacuzzi---it has to be in black and white that is how you show someone how difficult it is without there product). Oh no --Grandpa’s dead!
(Cut to them carting away a body from Jacuzzi in a body bag. But you don’t have to die if you use Floatie Don’t Drown Me. (cut to shot of person comfortably sleeping in the Jacuzzi with the Floatie don’t drown me neck pillow) You can sleep for hours and still be alive. And at only $19.99 it makes a great Christmas present. Not convinced ? Well we will throw in the Bathtub Floatie don’t Drown me for Free----That’s right –Get the Jacuzzi Floatie don’t Drown Me and the Bathtub Floatie don’t Drown me for one low price of $19.99. Fall asleep in your Jacuzzi in style Floatie don’t Drown Me comes in many different colors and styles from your favorite Football team to your Favorite movie."
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Of course it would have the tagline at the end of the commercial in fine print would read "---Caution may cause drowning ---The Floatie don’t Drown me should not be used in water---and in no way do we encourage you to fall asleep in your Jacuzzi or Bathtub"
BAC—END 03/08
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I like my Ice Cubes Anaconda style.
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Oh sure I give props to Ice Cube for branching out in his acting career and playing different roles. But I like Ice Cube the Actor as the badass in Anaconda yelling "There’s snakes out there this big?"
BAC 03/08

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P.S. Happy St Patricks Day ----and watch out for Leprechauns ---One tried to kill me this morning with a Coca Cola Bomb in the refrigerator at work. I almost lost an eye.