I found this Tiki lodged in the sand
With a strange inscription I couldn't understand
A Hawaiian chap read it aloud to me
It said Beware! Revenge of the Tiki !!
-----------
Beware! Beware!
He is angry you see
Beware! Beware!
Revenge of the Tiki
-------------
Carved out of some mystical stone
This Tiki's legend was fairly well known
It turns out that he once was an island king
Until that one day---a most terrible thing
--------------
Beware! Beware!
He is angry you see
Beware! Beware!
Revenge of the Tiki
--------
The king you see ---well
We found his wife
In bed with a coconut tree climber
And so he got out his knife
------------
Beware! Beware!
He is angry you see
Beware! Beware!
Revenge of the Tiki
----------
The rest of the story
I'm sure you can guess
Blood –Carnage—and a Curse
On any who let the Tiki touch their chest
---------------
Beware! Beware!
He is angry you see
Beware! Beware!
Revenge of the Tiki
---------------
BAC 08/06/2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Ode to a Headless Zombie
(Here is an old Silly Zombie Poem i did in 1993)
An Ode to a Headless Zombie
There is a Headless Zombie following me
He has no head -he can not see
He stumbles about on a broken knee
He's a Headless Zombie and he's after me
He's kinda slow -keeps falling down
But somehow he seems to keep coming around
I've shot him twice or was it three?
But he just keeps on chasing me
I've got a Headless zombie on my tail
As I run away he follows my trail
He follows me wherever I run
I'm getting tired and just dropped my gun
I've got a Headless Zombie after me
He doesn't smoke because he is dead you see
I'm tired o running and I have to pee
But the bloodthirsty zombie is still after me
Now I see his zombie friends
I hope soon this nightmare ends
I've been running now for about and hour
My legs are sore and I need a shower
A Headless Zombie and his Zombie Troop
I need to find a place to rest and recoup
But they are steadfast and right at my back
I fear I'll die from a Zombie Attack
I can run no more so I stop to fight
A fierce battle rages through out the night
I crush their skulls and beat them down
Leaving a bloody trail all over town
I tricked a few into a barn
I lit a match and then watched it burn
But the Headless Zombie will not quit
I took the hint and tried to split
I destroyed a hundred or maybe more
But the Headless Zombie was still at my door
He bust it down and ran into a wall
He chased me up the stairs and down the hall
I knocked him over but he got up
I grabbed a board and tried my luck
I swung at him would of hit his head
But it does no good against the headless dead
He grasped my arm and I grasped his
We flayed about in a violent whiz
Towards the window we swung
And through he crashed like a sack of dung
I watched as he hit the ground
His bloody carcus made an awful sound
I'd finally destroyed this headless freak
Or so I 'd thought until I saw him again at the mall this week.
BAC 1993
An Ode to a Headless Zombie
There is a Headless Zombie following me
He has no head -he can not see
He stumbles about on a broken knee
He's a Headless Zombie and he's after me
He's kinda slow -keeps falling down
But somehow he seems to keep coming around
I've shot him twice or was it three?
But he just keeps on chasing me
I've got a Headless zombie on my tail
As I run away he follows my trail
He follows me wherever I run
I'm getting tired and just dropped my gun
I've got a Headless Zombie after me
He doesn't smoke because he is dead you see
I'm tired o running and I have to pee
But the bloodthirsty zombie is still after me
Now I see his zombie friends
I hope soon this nightmare ends
I've been running now for about and hour
My legs are sore and I need a shower
A Headless Zombie and his Zombie Troop
I need to find a place to rest and recoup
But they are steadfast and right at my back
I fear I'll die from a Zombie Attack
I can run no more so I stop to fight
A fierce battle rages through out the night
I crush their skulls and beat them down
Leaving a bloody trail all over town
I tricked a few into a barn
I lit a match and then watched it burn
But the Headless Zombie will not quit
I took the hint and tried to split
I destroyed a hundred or maybe more
But the Headless Zombie was still at my door
He bust it down and ran into a wall
He chased me up the stairs and down the hall
I knocked him over but he got up
I grabbed a board and tried my luck
I swung at him would of hit his head
But it does no good against the headless dead
He grasped my arm and I grasped his
We flayed about in a violent whiz
Towards the window we swung
And through he crashed like a sack of dung
I watched as he hit the ground
His bloody carcus made an awful sound
I'd finally destroyed this headless freak
Or so I 'd thought until I saw him again at the mall this week.
BAC 1993
Friday, July 18, 2008
Things to Make the World Better Part 1
Things to Make the World Better Part 1"
Or stupid things and ideas that crossed my mind this week"
---------------------------------------------------------
The Great Ketchup Dilemma!!!
Oh why or why hasn’t someone come up with this yet. How many hours of my life have been wasted in fast food restaurants opening up Ketchup packets. The waste of time and packaging is insane. Someone must put a stop to this madness. Ohh the humanity! … Why must Fast Food Ketchup come in such small packets? ?? (oh sure sometimes I will do the double packet open to save a little time but this maneuver is dangerous and could result in a Ketchup colored shirt) .((And yes I’ve heard the rumors of a man living and Georgia that could successfully pull off the simultaneous 3 Packet open --but those rumors turned out to only an urban legend.))
What we need are large Ketchup packets that hold three normal packets worth of Ketchup---think of all the time saved---think of all the shirts rescued where multiple packet opening tragedies. Why has this not happened yet? Is it some conspiracy between the Condiment companies and the Fast food industry----like the Car industries –putting down the car that runs on water? I don’t know –but I say we demand this change and make the world a better place. BAC 03/08
-----------------------------------------------
Dog Show Nightmares
--
Is it just me are the female dog handlers and judges on the Dog Show competition circuit the single most unappealing group of women on the planet? I love me a good dog show on TV –cheering for my favorite breeds---but I have an extremely controversial idea to shake the dog show circuit to its foundations. (I can hear the hate mail already).
I say we replace the Blue Pant suit Wearing ex-Denny’s 2am waitress looking dog handlers and judges and spice things up a bit. Bring dog shows to a wider audience. (ok --ok---I’m sure the dog show world will never go for such a dramatic change---as the old guard is sure to fight my ideas) but her it goes anyway.
I say we replace the Reno Beehive hairdo wearing old biddies with Hot Bikini models and walking the dogs. (Maybe we would have to split away from the standard dog show circuit and start our own younger hippier dog show---that could be aired on Spike or some other channel. Also gone would be the one person judging the dogs against the standard for each breed. I hate the thought that one person decides since they rarely choose the dogs I like. Instead we could do it American Idol style with the audience voting each week for which dog should represent their Group. Each week several dogs would get voted off until only 7 (the representatives of each traditional group remained).
The Finale or Best in Show would then be decided Live with each dog getting its own entrance or Theme Music WWE Wrestling Style "Weighing in a 15 pounds and 2 ounces is Mr Cuddles the Third a Pug from Boston Representing the Toy Group Tonight" The music would kick in and Mr Cuddles The Third would be lead down the ramp with Fireworks shooting out the sides of the ramp by his gorgeous bikini clad model. . His Theme song would be Blasting "Mr Cuddles---Mr Cuddles----Oh you are so Wicked awesome----Mr Cuddles --Mr Cuddles----the baddest Pug in town"
Just a thought to make things a little more interesting. BAC 03/08
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Floatie Don’t Drown Me. ( fake Product idea)
----------
Ok so basically this is a parody of other infomercials I wouldn’t dare put this product on the market
The Floatie don’t’ drown me---is a neck pillow that goes around your neck while sitting in the spa that allows you to fall asleep in the spa without fear of drowning.
----------------------
The commercial would go something like this:
-----------------------------
"Are you tired of falling asleep in your Jacuzzi and almost drowning? Well there is a product just for you. Floatie Don’t Drown Me . Here you see someone falling asleep in the Jacuzzi without a Floatie Don’t Drown Me (Cut to black and white footage of a person actually drowning in the Jacuzzi---it has to be in black and white that is how you show someone how difficult it is without there product). Oh no --Grandpa’s dead!
(Cut to them carting away a body from Jacuzzi in a body bag. But you don’t have to die if you use Floatie Don’t Drown Me. (cut to shot of person comfortably sleeping in the Jacuzzi with the Floatie don’t drown me neck pillow) You can sleep for hours and still be alive. And at only $19.99 it makes a great Christmas present. Not convinced ? Well we will throw in the Bathtub Floatie don’t Drown me for Free----That’s right –Get the Jacuzzi Floatie don’t Drown Me and the Bathtub Floatie don’t Drown me for one low price of $19.99. Fall asleep in your Jacuzzi in style Floatie don’t Drown Me comes in many different colors and styles from your favorite Football team to your Favorite movie."
---------------
Of course it would have the tagline at the end of the commercial in fine print would read "---Caution may cause drowning ---The Floatie don’t Drown me should not be used in water---and in no way do we encourage you to fall asleep in your Jacuzzi or Bathtub"
BAC—END 03/08
----------------------------------------
I like my Ice Cubes Anaconda style.
---------------------
Oh sure I give props to Ice Cube for branching out in his acting career and playing different roles. But I like Ice Cube the Actor as the badass in Anaconda yelling "There’s snakes out there this big?"
BAC 03/08
---------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. Happy St Patricks Day ----and watch out for Leprechauns ---One tried to kill me this morning with a Coca Cola Bomb in the refrigerator at work. I almost lost an eye.
Or stupid things and ideas that crossed my mind this week"
---------------------------------------------------------
The Great Ketchup Dilemma!!!
Oh why or why hasn’t someone come up with this yet. How many hours of my life have been wasted in fast food restaurants opening up Ketchup packets. The waste of time and packaging is insane. Someone must put a stop to this madness. Ohh the humanity! … Why must Fast Food Ketchup come in such small packets? ?? (oh sure sometimes I will do the double packet open to save a little time but this maneuver is dangerous and could result in a Ketchup colored shirt) .((And yes I’ve heard the rumors of a man living and Georgia that could successfully pull off the simultaneous 3 Packet open --but those rumors turned out to only an urban legend.))
What we need are large Ketchup packets that hold three normal packets worth of Ketchup---think of all the time saved---think of all the shirts rescued where multiple packet opening tragedies. Why has this not happened yet? Is it some conspiracy between the Condiment companies and the Fast food industry----like the Car industries –putting down the car that runs on water? I don’t know –but I say we demand this change and make the world a better place. BAC 03/08
-----------------------------------------------
Dog Show Nightmares
--
Is it just me are the female dog handlers and judges on the Dog Show competition circuit the single most unappealing group of women on the planet? I love me a good dog show on TV –cheering for my favorite breeds---but I have an extremely controversial idea to shake the dog show circuit to its foundations. (I can hear the hate mail already).
I say we replace the Blue Pant suit Wearing ex-Denny’s 2am waitress looking dog handlers and judges and spice things up a bit. Bring dog shows to a wider audience. (ok --ok---I’m sure the dog show world will never go for such a dramatic change---as the old guard is sure to fight my ideas) but her it goes anyway.
I say we replace the Reno Beehive hairdo wearing old biddies with Hot Bikini models and walking the dogs. (Maybe we would have to split away from the standard dog show circuit and start our own younger hippier dog show---that could be aired on Spike or some other channel. Also gone would be the one person judging the dogs against the standard for each breed. I hate the thought that one person decides since they rarely choose the dogs I like. Instead we could do it American Idol style with the audience voting each week for which dog should represent their Group. Each week several dogs would get voted off until only 7 (the representatives of each traditional group remained).
The Finale or Best in Show would then be decided Live with each dog getting its own entrance or Theme Music WWE Wrestling Style "Weighing in a 15 pounds and 2 ounces is Mr Cuddles the Third a Pug from Boston Representing the Toy Group Tonight" The music would kick in and Mr Cuddles The Third would be lead down the ramp with Fireworks shooting out the sides of the ramp by his gorgeous bikini clad model. . His Theme song would be Blasting "Mr Cuddles---Mr Cuddles----Oh you are so Wicked awesome----Mr Cuddles --Mr Cuddles----the baddest Pug in town"
Just a thought to make things a little more interesting. BAC 03/08
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Floatie Don’t Drown Me. ( fake Product idea)
----------
Ok so basically this is a parody of other infomercials I wouldn’t dare put this product on the market
The Floatie don’t’ drown me---is a neck pillow that goes around your neck while sitting in the spa that allows you to fall asleep in the spa without fear of drowning.
----------------------
The commercial would go something like this:
-----------------------------
"Are you tired of falling asleep in your Jacuzzi and almost drowning? Well there is a product just for you. Floatie Don’t Drown Me . Here you see someone falling asleep in the Jacuzzi without a Floatie Don’t Drown Me (Cut to black and white footage of a person actually drowning in the Jacuzzi---it has to be in black and white that is how you show someone how difficult it is without there product). Oh no --Grandpa’s dead!
(Cut to them carting away a body from Jacuzzi in a body bag. But you don’t have to die if you use Floatie Don’t Drown Me. (cut to shot of person comfortably sleeping in the Jacuzzi with the Floatie don’t drown me neck pillow) You can sleep for hours and still be alive. And at only $19.99 it makes a great Christmas present. Not convinced ? Well we will throw in the Bathtub Floatie don’t Drown me for Free----That’s right –Get the Jacuzzi Floatie don’t Drown Me and the Bathtub Floatie don’t Drown me for one low price of $19.99. Fall asleep in your Jacuzzi in style Floatie don’t Drown Me comes in many different colors and styles from your favorite Football team to your Favorite movie."
---------------
Of course it would have the tagline at the end of the commercial in fine print would read "---Caution may cause drowning ---The Floatie don’t Drown me should not be used in water---and in no way do we encourage you to fall asleep in your Jacuzzi or Bathtub"
BAC—END 03/08
----------------------------------------
I like my Ice Cubes Anaconda style.
---------------------
Oh sure I give props to Ice Cube for branching out in his acting career and playing different roles. But I like Ice Cube the Actor as the badass in Anaconda yelling "There’s snakes out there this big?"
BAC 03/08
---------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. Happy St Patricks Day ----and watch out for Leprechauns ---One tried to kill me this morning with a Coca Cola Bomb in the refrigerator at work. I almost lost an eye.
Living in a Ghost Town
I'm living in ghost town
Nobody else around
The days are long
Strolling down the dusty street
Staring in boarded up windows
Through broken panes of glass
At possessions left behind
That are covered in dirt and grime
-----
The wind blows dust
Across collapsing wooden floors.
Through the partially left open doors.
I spend the days waiting
Killing time
A trip up to the mill
To stare at rusted metal machines
-----
The sun bakes down on the dirt road
Horse hitching posts lay empty.
Horse hitching posts lay empty.
The troughs of water long since dried up.
I walk down the street
Stepping onto the creaky wooden sidewalk
And head for the saloon.
-----
"A little early today" I say to myself
As I walk behind the bar and pour myself a drink
Out of an old dusty whisky bottle that the label has fallen off
I walk over to one of the tables and take a seat.
I pull a deck of cards out of my pocket
And I begin to play Solitaire Sipping at the bottle of Whiskey
I stare at my wristwatch
And wait.
-----
The long afternoon meanders by.
As I wait for the darkness
The time is moving slowly today
I stagger over to the saloon door to stare outside
Still several hours til the night will arrive.
I decide to take a nap on the bench under the window.
----
I awake to the sound of a leather strap on wood.
The neighing of a horse.
I look outside the window and see nothing.
But I know they are here.
I hurriedly light all the lights
And then head behind the bar
Pull out several glasses.
The doors swing open
No one walks in
The Floor creaks under the pressures of boots
Three whiskeys are poured out of a dusty bottle
I place them on the bar
The sound of a coin hits wood
----
The saloon fills with noise
The busted piano begins to play
Cards are dealt
Drinks are poured.
I smile a smile of satisfaction
I stand behind the bar listening
To hushed conversations
Whispered rumors
Drunken arguments from a time long gone.
I live in a Ghost Town
BAC 06/26/2008
Welcome Blog O Sphere
I've been posting crap on Myspace for a awhile --now.... A wide variety of blogs from Movie reviews--original Poems Stories and ideas ---Fun Goofy Picture blogs from my Southern California Adventures ---I was getting discouraged with the lack of comments i was getting from my fellow myspacers--and a friend suggested I bring my craziness here to a potential larger audience ----So I figure why not give it a shot..
So to introduce myself my name is Brad (aka Mr Diff --aka The Pineappleman)
Here are the links to my 2 myspace pages---so i don't have to repost previous blogs...And except --fun dorkiness and adventure.....
Brad Page
Pineappleman Page
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